Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Love of My Life

When I was younger, I used to think that there was only one love of your life. After many heartbreaks, and much more experience, I can safely say now that I was so very wrong. You can love people and be in love with people more than once in your life. Hell, I would hope that you've been in love many times and shared that love with people. But the love of your life is the one person at this exact moment, that you can say you truly love with all of your heart and would do anything for. Maybe they're your soul mate. Maybe they aren't. Only you know how you feel. Anyway, I wrote this back in college. Basically I was comparing my first love, to my last. And when I actually thought about it, my first love was filled with a lot of dark memories and regrets - but inspite of it all it was still my first love. Maybe some of you can relate.

(c) A.F. 2/23/12


I) I loved you once. 
In a world of smoky, teenage-dreams.
In the darkness of a dusty basement; old sofas shake'n'baked in cat hair, reaking of urine and grass. In a room filled with dank piles of clothes, and week-old, red plastic cups, filled with beer; filled with growths of white fuzz. 
I loved you once, years ago. 
In a rusted, white pick-up truck, riddled with cigarette butts and fast-food wrappers. 
In a world where you said all those words, and I listened, and believed - believed that was all there was to it - love: you and I. 
I loved you once. When I was a child, and you were a child.  
In that place, in that world, of bare mattresses with wrinkled sheets, stained with sweat and cologne and illusion. 
But I dreamed of a better world, of a better love. 
So I let you go. 
Once. Every now and then, I reflect on our time spent together (soaked, mostly, in carosine).
I threw away the matches before we could burn. Before we could drown in a poison romance like Jekyll and Hyde. 
But I did love you. Once. 
And it was real, and it hurt, and you left a brand on my heart for always. 
It just wasn't enough, love. It wasn't enough.
Yet, to have loved you once -
Once was enough.

II) Once, not so long ago,
In the darkness of my broken soul, a glimmer of hope twinkled in the night. 
And the Heavens above peeled back -
Once -
To reveal a sapphire sky, spinkled by starlight.
I loved you once. 
In a world of moondust, and waves of passion. Of sea-shores, and sand, and the tides.
In those Summer evenings when you were a nightengale, and I a nymph, listened to the croon of your song.
I loved you once.
Oh - how I loved you!
In a room of guitar strings, and keyboard keys. 
In that place of hot, steamy showers, and cool raindrop kisses. Your sundae lips, and those whip-cream Diners. 
I loved you. 
Once - when your words hurt, and I cried (so afraid; so amazed; so in love).
Upon a time, I loved you in a bed of roses, encased in perfume of strawberries, chocolate, and too-sweet red wine. 
In a world of velvet-cake smiles, and strolls through the park.
Hand-in-hand, you and I.  
With our heads in the clouds, and our hearts on our sleeves - just two white birds on the sea.
Once I loved you -
Not enough, love. Not nearly enough.
I loved you - 
(Once) will never be, can never be, enough love:
You and I.

(c) A.F. 2/23/12  

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